2016 - White House or Bust!
Saturday, August 04, 2007I'm Eppie Vojt, and I want to be your president... in 9 years.
Perhaps 9 years of planning will afford me sufficient time to master the skillset needed by a presidential hopeful, which I intend to outline briefly in this innaugural WHOB (whitehouseorbust) posting. So, what do I need to work on in order to secure a nomination?
1) Look Presidential
2) Lego my Ego - Learn to Waffle
3) Be Rich and Befriend Other Wealthy People
4) Avoid Substance at All Costs
Look Presidential
Maybe we can blame it on reality TV. The American public has now spent several years selecting its own American Idol, Survivor, and Top Model, among others. We all cast the parts within the first few episodes (... not that I watch any of those programs...) - it's natural. So, it should be no surprise that when Romney, McCain, Giuliani, et al step on stage for the Republican debate, we immediately form an opinion of who looks like the president. In fairness, it happens when Clinton, Obama, and Edwards take to the podiums as well.
The sad part is, we're not casting a movie - we're selecting the leader of our country, the man or woman who will represent us abroad and take the lead on foreign affairs, the person who can help shape the national agenda for the House and Senate. Sadder still - the commentary on "looking presidential" isn't limited to Joe Citizen. It's promoted by the "news" networks covering these events. Following a debate, the various talking heads invariably discuss who looked presidential, and moments later the polls start popping up on their websites - which candidate was best dressed?
Good thing Guiliani wore Armani. Our relations with the Italians might have suffered otherwise!
Lego my Ego - Learn to Waffle
Now that I know I'll look good, I guess I need to get to the substance of my campaign... or maybe I should wait until I poll the American public and find out where I should stand this year on key topics, like abortion, troop evacuation, border security, and social welfare programs. I mean, really, who can expect me to actually form a solid opinion on these topics until we're 6 months or less away from the primary, right?
At least that's how it seems if you listen to many of today's candidates. Some (like Mitt Romney, with his vascilating views on abortion) have made drastic changes in their public policy to more closely align themselves with their party's faithful. Others (ie, just about everyone) have been certain to temper views on highly controversial topics (Iraq war troop withdrawal). I'm against the war but I support the troops... great, but what do you propose we actually do in the Middle East?
Be Rich and Befriend Other Wealthy People
What do you really need to make a bid for the Presidency? Money - more than anything else. Good ideas? meh. A record of strong results? We could take it or leave it. Experience? Apparently not much more than Mayor. None of those things are very important - what really matters is that you have the dough to be able to buy air time for bad commercials... and if your personal fortune can't sustain you, your wealthy friends surely must. Seriously, it's important that the American public get lots of 30 second glimpses into the minds and hearts of the potential leader of the free world. We need to see that our potential president can throw a ball to his dog, and shake hands with a steel worker. Those things can only be accomplished by a man or woman fit to lead this country. This leads me to my final point:
Avoid Substance at All Costs
...and the substance I'm talking about here isn't illegal drugs, heck our last two presidents have dabbled there - Clinton had the munchies, GW's got a sweet tooth (or would that be sweet nose) for the "nose candy." You can toke away or drink 'til you drop - just don't ever say something meaningful while campaigning. That's the kiss of death.
You see, presidential elections aren't really about the issues anymore. They're almost entirely filled with emotional rhetoric, question dodging, and glad-handing. Where are the plans for our future? Nobody really wants to lay them out there, because they're afraid we might disagree with them. Instead, they just withhold information and try to look presidential.
I've had enough of it. That's why I want to be your next president... err... your next to next president (if the next president serves 2 terms), or your next to next to next president if they get ousted in 4. Vojt for Change... in, like 9 years!
Tagged: 2016, barack obama, eppie vojt, hillary clinton, mitt romney, politics, presidential election, rudy giuliani
Comments
Be the first to comment on this story!
